Vulnerable
by LilianPoiner
Summary: After the killing of Freddie, Effy is feeling alone and vulnerable. She's either hated or pitied by everyone around her and needs some help soon, before its too late. Keffy, with maybe some Cookie and Naomily.


**A/N: This is my first fanfic, so be nice. Hahaha. All the events of all series 1-4 happened, you might need to have seen series 1 and 2 to get some parts, but it's nothing that difficult so you should be fine. It is set shortly after Freddie's death, everyone now knows. I know it's a tad short, but they'll get longer. Okay, that's enough, just read. Feedback would be lovely. (: and Any questions feel free to message me. EFFY's POV – Lana**

Chapter One – The Funeral.

I saw the three of them looking at me, their faces full of pity. Emily and Naomi with the forever third wheel Katie. I hated the pity, but I guess it I'd better than the hatred and blame I get from Cook, JJ and Karen. But I don't mind it, I feel the same way. I'm the reason Freddie is dead and the reason Cook is now a killer; neither things I wanted to happen. I guess, I,_ Effy Stonem_ can't control everything anyway. But I knew that already, I've known that ever scene Pandora's Party two years ago; probably even before that. I miss Panda, I never thought that I would of grown to like her; the useless idiot who pestered me on her first day of school, but she grew on me and I started to care. But her and bloody Thommo are in America; I'm happy for her, but I need a friend. Fuck I'm selfish, always so fucking selfish.

I shouldn't even be here. This funeral, it's... It's not my place. I love- loved Freddie, but being here feels wrong. It shouldn't be about me, people shouldn't be looking at me. It's his fucking funeral, not mine! Ha, it should be mine. Fuck this. Before I know it I'm running out of the church; most likely causing more of a scene, still selfish. I just need to get away, away from all of them. But where too? I have no where. Go to my home? Back to my mother? She loves me, I know that but I just can't deal with her. Not now, the love it's killing me, it's too much. Fuck, just stop. I look around, dark grave stones and a few small mausoleums surround me; the dead surrounds me.

Sitting leaning on a small marble mausoleum I light up and take in a long drag. This isn't strong enough; I've grown past just plain cigarettes, that's pretty obvious. I started smoking when I was 14, by the time I was 15 I was drinking, doing drugs, and fucking like crazy. How I got the drugs and alcohol at that age and without speaking? I honestly can't fucking remember. It was no wonder that I ended up in hospital, but it changed me. I started talking again, still not happy but showing improvement. But then Tony got hit by the bus and my world was shattered. Seeing him in the hospital bed, just lying there un-able to do anything whilst his sodding friends sit there and try to wake him up. Then he wakes up and I'm almost happy, but he's different. He's not Tony, not anymore, not really. He didn't recognize me at first he didn't recognize any of us; he knew the names, he knew that we were family, but still unsure still scared. And this killed me inside, to see Tony being weak and confused. He was always so strong so sure, but now he was a child again and I was the one who had to help him. Which made me strong again, helped me rebuild me barriers, my mask. I loved him and I still do, but the love is different. He's my brother.

"Eff?" I heard a small voice say, I looked up and saw the once red headed girl now more of a dark purple looking at me worryingly pityingly, I almost just shake my head as I look back down to the ground. How did we become friends? Katie and I. Always fighting, always competing. She dates the guy I'm in love with; I hit her over the head with a rock and sleep with him while she's unconscious in the woods. Real fucking classy Effy, nice work. "How's it going babe?" She sits down next to me placing a reassuring hand on mine. I don't want to talk; I just want to be alone. I just shake my head. She squeezes my hand. "I know." I begin to cry, ball more like it. I can't hold it in anymore; not today, just too weak. "Shhhh, It's gonna be okay." She hugs me and I just huddle towards her, still sobbing.  
"No... No it's not." I said quietly, Katie just pulls me closer. We sit there for several minutes before anything is said. What am I doing? Haven't I learned? Panda is lucky to be in the US, she's safe there away from me. I'm no good; all I do is hurt the people I care about and the people who care about me. Katie is both those things; I don't love her, but I do care about her and that's enough for her to get hurt. "Katie..." I turn my head upwards so that I can see her dark brown eyes.  
"Yeah babes." She says softly, I definitely have to leave I can't hurt her. Not again.  
"You should leave." Although she tries to hide it, I can see clearly that she's hurt by my words. "No, no. It's just... I should leave. Not you." I get up swiftly, and start to walk away. "I'm sorry." Quietly I whisper. Katie's hand grabs my wrist holding me back, I turn to face her; anger flashing in her eyes.  
"So what? You just gonna fucking leave? Is that it?" I just shake my head and try to turn away. "Fuck Effy, don't fucking walk away from me. Don't fucking walk away from all of us." From them? They all fucking leave me.  
"It's all fucking over Katie! Freddie is _dead_! Panda is the bloody states, Tony is at uni, my parents are shit, Cook hates me. Everyone that I have ever loved has left me. I have nobody. So please Katie _fucking_ Fitch, please tell me who I'm leaving?" Katie just stands there stunned, unable to speak or move; still holding my wrist. "I'm sorry Katie, I am. I wish none of this happen. I really do, but it did. And it's time that I left." I said, this time more calmly; still pleading. "I don't want to hurt any more people, that includes you. Goodbye Katie." It almost sounded like a threat, but I hadn't meant it to be, I... I just... I don't even know anymore. I turn again and I feel Katie's hand fall of my wrist and I finally begin to walk.  
"Goodbye Effy."

**END OF CHAPTER ONE**

**Next chap soon. Feedback (:**


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